We're Spirits

Driving through our old town this evening on the way to the supermarket felt strange. I have been here in this town for 17 years and in the region for 28, and I will not have a place here to call home. We pass places, houses of people we know, and I think I am but a spirit passing through. These people will not have a conscious thought about me or my family, or maybe a flickering recollection prompted by something, then gone. What is the difference between living elsewhere and dying? In many ways, it is only the ceremony, as far as I can understand things. It is so much like the concept that our friends and forebears are stilll with us, watching our foibles, our triumphs and defeats, somewhere high and unseen. But I don't subscribe to this notion any more, another story. I believe in the here and now and though I have not maximized it, I can still try to; it is never too late, until I am really dead. And I could, if I chose, stop and visit, or call and surprise someone. My daughter doesn't see things this way. We are still here, in town and until we have physically moved, we live here. Although she is literally correct; in only a few weeks, we will be gone. It is a chapter closed. This time is one of suspension, of limbo. But unlike the same situation a year ago, there is an end to it. What happens after this Time for Change of ours shifts, and the pressures of the past few years are off, with a new set of issues to replace them? Will we feel different? Will we be different, have different prospects, different attitudes? I cannnot say right now, it remains a mystery. The new ground is inevitable at this point, so let's bring it on and test the waters. We will be in for real, no longer just testing things out.