The Walk to School

Every parent knows the feeling of rejection by their own child. After all, we are supposedly bringing a person into the world to be an independent soul and after those early years together, and it is a testament to our success when our children assert their will and separate from us. But it hurts, this process, and speaking personally, at least in this case, it is a nasty business.

Rudeness is part of it. Meanness is another portion and throw in my own vulnerability to feeling rejected, and you know that something has got to give. Sophie refuses to walk within yards of me if she can get away with it, like an old world Japanese wife, only disrespectful. Knowing that I am going to want to give her a kiss goodbye, she now bestows her kiss at the apartment door, at the beginning of the walk to school, instead of at the school, when we actually "part." The whole concept is warped and misses the point. As far as walking together goes, she varies her speed, fast slow fast in order not to walk together, so eventually, I just grab her arm and tell her too bad. I am sure this is wrong parenting, but I am so angry with the unpleasantness and the irregular pace that I have lost patience at this point, threatening to walk right into her classroom if she doesn't behave nicely. Another bad parenting technique: threatening. Let's face it, this is just not going well. Later on, in the spring, maybe she can do the walk by herself, or she can meet her friend Margo on the way? It is a funny way to say "I love you" and it doesn't feel like I am being appreciated. I think her last words, for the umpteenth time were "I hate you!" Under her breath, of course, so no one else can hear the nastiness. Everyone has said that an adolescent (she hates that word) daughter can be tough going. And here I am, just at the beginning!