Measuring Up

The great, overarching issue is measuring up. The concept is seen in a pack of wolves, or lions, or with human politics and values. Who is the top dog? Who gets the lioness? Who is the president? Who has the biggest and best toys? Who regulates the competition? Nobody. Who allows the competition? Each of us. What drives us towards the inevitable failure we will encounter? There is always going to be someone bigger, faster, smarter or even, if you can accept it, luckier. And if you are the fastest man in the world and win an olympic gold medal, in a matter of months or very few years, you will be slower. There will be a new champion, a more ferocious dog, a more rapacious capitalist, and so on. The great crippling effect is living beneath the shadow of greatness. The standard is virtuallly unapproachable, and practically speaking, is impossible. The survivalist in me says eschew the fray, you will only come out defeated, or at the very least, chose a different venue where there may be a probability, however remote, of succeeding. The measuring up invades everything, like a tea steeped for a lifetime, with the danger of its becoming bitter. Or of inhibiting every attempt to push beyond the walls, to break through them to find freedom and sunlight. I realize that this is very much my issue. And when the ruling bodies--the headmaster, the boss, the father and mother--spend energy trying to control you, to make you feel less, to make you feel smaller than you actually are, you get a double whammy, a doube incentive to clam up tight. And, if the ember is not extinguished, the kernel of something more deep, nearly lost, inside. Greatness out of greatness comes, and the genes are there, the aspirations masked, but everpresent. The occluded ember is my hope, my persisitent dream, my way of looking forward to a satisfaction. One hope that life's mysteries do not intrude before one achieves one's destiny. I sometimes think of the positive aspects of the saying, "to whom much is given; much is expected." How long can one avoid being measured?