Discretion, Anyone?
My daughter finds it amusing to tell people about the night last January that I went out and drank too much, came home late and barfed all over the place. I didn't mean to do it: I forgot to pay attention, and my host kept wanting to go from one to another place, and I just can't hold my liquor. I never could. It was not a good moment for me; it was an interesting one for her. You know: my drunken father. It's all very funny! She became more responsible than I have ever seen her the next morning, helping me out of bed and out the door for school. She had a midterm math test that she managed a 90 on, even after staying up some sleepless hours worrying about it and her dad. And I don't expect to repeat the behavior again soon, or ever. I have been drunk three times in the past eighteen years, each time with what I would claim as extenuating circumstances. I hate being drunk, slurring my speech and being out of control. I detest being sick and feeling like crap, wasting time and money for that matter. I do not have a stomach for sailing or drinking alcohol. I love sailing and take medicine so I won't be seasick. I do not want to find a cure for alcohol poisoning. Hangovers are just punishment.
Of late my daughter has taken to regaling people whom she determines are "close enough friends" and certain relatives about the episode. It embarrasses me. I think it would be even worse to make her stop the story, a losing battle, the more I protest, the worse it all seems. So it didn't matter last night, when she told the story to my cousin and his wife, or even when she told the story to her friends' parents. However, the cousin did not want to talk about that time he got so drunk,way back in graduate school, though his wife told a good part of the tale anyway, before he silenced her. And the friends' parents laughed, telling us of some of their own exploits, so that was OK, offset by their own fauxpas.
But how do you know it is not going to have consequences? How do you know if the person is in Alcoholics Anonymous or is judgemental about drinking, those who drink or about parents who expose their children to the consequences of too much drink? I would have to say, my daughter's exposure would go pretty far towards keeping her sober, if you want to know.
She needs to learn that there is such a thing as discretion, that not all tales need telling. It is a good thing more often than not to put your best face and your best foot forward, not your grossest, most humiliating story, the time you fell into mud. Maybe that off-color tale can come some out other time, or not at all. But when you don't know someone very, very well, or you barely ever see them, maybe it is a better idea to "ac-cent-u-ate the postitive" and leave out the rest. Or if a light goes on inside about whether you should or should not tell something, then don't. Discretion is a very important thing to understand, and since she's been collecting laughs by repeating these spicy tales, at my and indirectly her own expense, I don't think she yet comprehends the sensitivity of what she may be doing or the harm that might be done.
Of late my daughter has taken to regaling people whom she determines are "close enough friends" and certain relatives about the episode. It embarrasses me. I think it would be even worse to make her stop the story, a losing battle, the more I protest, the worse it all seems. So it didn't matter last night, when she told the story to my cousin and his wife, or even when she told the story to her friends' parents. However, the cousin did not want to talk about that time he got so drunk,way back in graduate school, though his wife told a good part of the tale anyway, before he silenced her. And the friends' parents laughed, telling us of some of their own exploits, so that was OK, offset by their own fauxpas.
But how do you know it is not going to have consequences? How do you know if the person is in Alcoholics Anonymous or is judgemental about drinking, those who drink or about parents who expose their children to the consequences of too much drink? I would have to say, my daughter's exposure would go pretty far towards keeping her sober, if you want to know.
She needs to learn that there is such a thing as discretion, that not all tales need telling. It is a good thing more often than not to put your best face and your best foot forward, not your grossest, most humiliating story, the time you fell into mud. Maybe that off-color tale can come some out other time, or not at all. But when you don't know someone very, very well, or you barely ever see them, maybe it is a better idea to "ac-cent-u-ate the postitive" and leave out the rest. Or if a light goes on inside about whether you should or should not tell something, then don't. Discretion is a very important thing to understand, and since she's been collecting laughs by repeating these spicy tales, at my and indirectly her own expense, I don't think she yet comprehends the sensitivity of what she may be doing or the harm that might be done.
posted by Stonechuck at 1:26 PM
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