Spring Break

So many of life's experiences are hardening ones. I always think, if we knew what we were in for in the beginning, we never would have kept on keeping on: the burden would have seemed too great. It is nothing huge this time around. No one died. Well, yes, in fact, someone did, but this is not about that. And no one is sick. Well, that's not exactly right. Dad's got dementia; Uncle Joe has a recurrence of lung cancer. Life goes on. You have to be very self-contained and selfish as there are real disasters littering the road we travel. No. It is the realization of what you already know. Sophie returned today from college for spring break. She looks and seems great. She is growing up, very self-confident, independent. Kind of an amazing thing for someone who would barely go into a store by herself a year ago. And now, she's running around NYC, having a great time, maybe a little overconfident, which does cause me some alarm. And she has had a very successful winter term. Much better than last fall. She arrived at the back door in the early afternoon, dropped her things and hung around for half and hour before meeting her friends, the old posse, out on the corner of Thayer and Williams. Matt, Miles and Koby. They headed north, ostensibly to visit their old school, though it turns out they never arrived. No matter. And later, Sophie returned for a nice roasted chicken dinner. And we had our three cornered conversation, on the edge of fighting, though not over it. And then things calmed down a bit, and we had more of adult conversation, whicho was great, noticably improved from, say, such attempts a year ago. But the thing of it is, now she's off until some small hour of the morning. We don't get much for our success in raising her. She is ours. She loves us in her way. And she is free as a bird, confident with friends of her own. It is great, just what we would hope for and yet it is so bittersweet, witnessing our success. She's grown up. She is capable and able to function on her own. I am seeing this now, spring term. We are a couple, parents who have given everything we have to give. I feel like an animal whose purpose has been fulfilled. What now? I've spawned and raised: do I die?

Vancouver Olympics

Wow! They are over as of the last day of February, 2010. We have watched so many, many hours of the events during the past two weeks, so many stories and such an amazing performance by the North Americans. Never has there been as strong a collection of performances by American winter athletes. Some friends do not watch at all, while others were addicted, as I was for the past 17 days. Some of the sports leave me cold and wondering, the crash and circus events that seem, as Apollo Ohno puts it, "insane." They are undeniably athletic, but the best do not necessarily win and this does not satisfy the purest in me. It's complicated. I guess it boils down to what is more commercial no longer extricable with amateurism and dreams of Baron Coubertin. The Olympics have become too big a spectacle with far too much money at stake. My favorite events are tainted: I am not as pure-minded as I think. I love the downhill skiing; I am amazed by the performances on the cross country ski course. The long track oval speed skating appears to have a purity few others match. The halfpipe and aerial ski events are subjective and acrobatic, death-defying stunt sports. And then there is figure skating which seems to combine artistry with athleticism and some commerciality. This year, the skating seemed more about people doing their best than failing to deliver performances they have crafted over months and years. I have little interest in the luge and bobsled runs, so poorly explained, leaving all but the initiated wondering about the perfect line, g-forces and the technology of the equipment. All one senses is the speed and danger involved. Hockey is exciting, but how many times does a puck hit the metal post and riccochet or carom to the advantage of one or the other team? It is exciting. It is incredibly athletic, but the best team does not inevitably win in a single game. Russian, American and Canadian hockey fans, among others, know this acutely. Soccer and baseball fans know this. Long seasons and stats help allow the consistently best teams to emerge. One slip on a breakneck run down a giant slalom course puts a racer into the netting alongside of the course, which brings another factor into the equation: often unequal conditions for the athletes starting early or late, with a headwind, rough ice, snow or fog. Well. It's over, and I loved it.